If you've read my blog, you might know that I signed up to take JLPT 4 this December. Since I haven't formally studied Japanese for very long, it was an adventurous goal. Unfortunately, I think it is a goal that will have to be postponed for next year. In the last month, I have had almost no time whatsoever to study Japanese, which is bad since one of the classes I'm taking this semester is Japanese 101.
I know that tons of other single moms have been able to balance everything and go to school. But, it isn't working very well for me right now. I can't remember the last time that I had a single hour, uninterrupted, in which to study. I've tried staying up late or getting up early, both with poor results. Getting up early seems to invite more tasks from other people who are excited that I now have time to do things for them. Staying up late just encourages the kids to stay awake longer and makes me tired. I'm really frustrated right now. I'm really getting behind in some of my classes, and while I'm still making decent grades, I'm not doing as well as I could be. And that is dissatisfying to me.
It's hard to find the balance between my needs and everyone else's. Honestly, there is no balance. Once I finish doing things for everyone else, I am left with very little time of my own. Setting "limits" is out of the question. The other people in my life have needs that far outweigh my own.
Wow, I'm sounding really whiny.
At any rate, I won't be taking the JLPT next month. It would be a waste of gas to drive to Atlanta just to frustrate myself and fail the exam. I am nowhere close to prepared and I can use the time that day to take care of my responsibilities. I feel really bitter today, and I find myself wishing I could just quit school. But my life has changed so much in the past year that it isn't an option. If I don't finish my degree, I won't be able to provide for my kids and put them through college. So, it's time to give up some of my dreams and focus on the realities of the here and now.
And no, I couldn't be studying instead of whining right now. The kids are in the room, noisy as ever. :)
I know that tons of other single moms have been able to balance everything and go to school. But, it isn't working very well for me right now. I can't remember the last time that I had a single hour, uninterrupted, in which to study. I've tried staying up late or getting up early, both with poor results. Getting up early seems to invite more tasks from other people who are excited that I now have time to do things for them. Staying up late just encourages the kids to stay awake longer and makes me tired. I'm really frustrated right now. I'm really getting behind in some of my classes, and while I'm still making decent grades, I'm not doing as well as I could be. And that is dissatisfying to me.
It's hard to find the balance between my needs and everyone else's. Honestly, there is no balance. Once I finish doing things for everyone else, I am left with very little time of my own. Setting "limits" is out of the question. The other people in my life have needs that far outweigh my own.
Wow, I'm sounding really whiny.
At any rate, I won't be taking the JLPT next month. It would be a waste of gas to drive to Atlanta just to frustrate myself and fail the exam. I am nowhere close to prepared and I can use the time that day to take care of my responsibilities. I feel really bitter today, and I find myself wishing I could just quit school. But my life has changed so much in the past year that it isn't an option. If I don't finish my degree, I won't be able to provide for my kids and put them through college. So, it's time to give up some of my dreams and focus on the realities of the here and now.
And no, I couldn't be studying instead of whining right now. The kids are in the room, noisy as ever. :)
3 comments:
You are not alone and to those of us who "know" how it is, you don't sound one bit whiny. It's a tough thing to balance your own wants/needs/desires against those of the other people in your life, especially being a single parent. Hang in there and keep the dream alive, even if its on the back burner for now.
I too, by the by, will not be taking the JLPT as I'd hoped in December. Let's look forward to taking it in its new form next year.
Ganbaru!
fwiw: I think you made a correct and necessary choice :)
-hiro
I'm really vacillating on whether or not to take the exam. I guess I'll know my decision in December :)
Thanks for the kind comments. I feel less whiny today. lol
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