I don't know why, but I just don't feel like blogging about my trip to Japan. Last year, when I came home from my first trip, I couldn't shut up about it. Japan was a land of milk and honey, Shangri-la, everything is perfect in Japan and the rest of the world is pathetic. Well, maybe I wasn't quite that bad, but I was pretty much head over heels in love.
This year...well...I don't know. I mean, I had a great time and I'm working really hard to go back, especially as a permanent move. But this year was...HARD. My language skill (I use that term loosely) had improved and I was able to communicate better, albeit still horribly. And I saw something other than just Tokyo, which was really good. I lived in a building with a bunch of Japanese men, which didn't hurt my feelings either. And I had a friend who took me out to eat every few days.
The thing that was really difficult was constantly being told that I just wasn't good enough. I didn't do this or say this or think this way. But then I would see some moron from the States with his baseball cap turned sideways (who does that anymore??), surrounded by a gaggle of adoring guys and girls, all oohing and aahing over how interesting Westerners are and trying to emulate his idiocy. But me...all I got was constant correction. Is there an age cut-off for acceptance in Japan? In all fairness, it was no secret that I full intend to move there with my kids in a couple of years, so maybe they were just trying to help me "fit in" a little better. But I will always be an American, and I will always be perceived as a loud-mouthed, arrogant ass no matter how I speak or behave in Japan. And I was on my best behavior. I was on such good behavior that some days I thought I would faint from the strain. Oh well.
I still love Japan. And eventually, I'll get around to blogging about my trip. Just not until I get over the heartbreak and rejection.
This year...well...I don't know. I mean, I had a great time and I'm working really hard to go back, especially as a permanent move. But this year was...HARD. My language skill (I use that term loosely) had improved and I was able to communicate better, albeit still horribly. And I saw something other than just Tokyo, which was really good. I lived in a building with a bunch of Japanese men, which didn't hurt my feelings either. And I had a friend who took me out to eat every few days.
The thing that was really difficult was constantly being told that I just wasn't good enough. I didn't do this or say this or think this way. But then I would see some moron from the States with his baseball cap turned sideways (who does that anymore??), surrounded by a gaggle of adoring guys and girls, all oohing and aahing over how interesting Westerners are and trying to emulate his idiocy. But me...all I got was constant correction. Is there an age cut-off for acceptance in Japan? In all fairness, it was no secret that I full intend to move there with my kids in a couple of years, so maybe they were just trying to help me "fit in" a little better. But I will always be an American, and I will always be perceived as a loud-mouthed, arrogant ass no matter how I speak or behave in Japan. And I was on my best behavior. I was on such good behavior that some days I thought I would faint from the strain. Oh well.
I still love Japan. And eventually, I'll get around to blogging about my trip. Just not until I get over the heartbreak and rejection.
4 comments:
There is a lot of vlogs on youtube stating that gaijins will always be treated differently than locals. If you search "Foreigners in Japan" you will find out what I mean. You will probably have to live with it unless you actually look Japanese. I too absolutely loved Japan after visiting there last year. I'm trying to figure out a way to move there one day. If you can figure out a way to move there without being an "English Teacher" let me know! Good luck with your dream of moving there.
Being treated differently wasn't a problem; it certainly had its benefits at times. I just found it quite curious that there seemed to be a concerted effort to "make me Japanese." Maybe I should take it as a compliment- that I was seen as someone who could actually live in Japan and integrate into the society, whereas most younger Westerners are Japan are viewed as a transient annoyance. Then again, maybe it was just an expectation that since I was older, I should "know better."
My point, really, is that it was a little disappointing to realize- in person- that frequently, the "Japanese Way" is the only "right way." I did my best to respect Japanese culture and social mores, but having grown up in a culture that prizes individuality above all else, I realized that a life in Japan will require a lot of preparation in order to smooth the transition.
I laughed when I read it, but I am that idiot, minus the hat. I'm not really that kind of person, back in the states. Perhaps, regardless of how improper my speech is, people seem to be attracted to that bumbling, broken mess. Something new and fresh and exotic, maybe.
I am also 23 year old and studying at an art school. But, what I find humorous is the look I get from one of my few male acquaintances. My school is composed of a large majority of female students, previously being an all-girls school, and for what ever reason there are gaggles that gather around and function exactly how you described. I consider myself to be the least interesting and most inconspicuous person I could imagine and eventually the attraction will wear off and things will return to normal. But the glare he gives me is like daggers.
waited to see if you would snap out but it seems you are still down. Come back Kara!
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